


Stonks

by Laurasauras



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, LOHACSE, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Stonks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29053617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Dave explains how he's making the boonies he needs. Inspired by the legends investing in Gamestop.
Relationships: Terezi Pyrope & Dave Strider
Comments: 13
Kudos: 34





	Stonks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [swordguy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swordguy/gifts).



> Thank you to Max for explaining stonks to me. If I've got any of this wrong, it's all on me.

gallowsCallibrator [GC] has begun trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


GC: WH4T 3X4CTLY 4R3 YOU DO1NG?  
TG: dont they have stocks on your wacko planet?  
GC: SUR3  
GC: YOU PUT TH3 LOWBLOOD 1N 4ND 4NYON3 C4N K1CK TH3M  
GC: 1TS 4 L3SS3R PUN1SHM3NT TH4N CULL1NG BUT YOU C4N ST1LL D1E 1F SOM3ON3 G3TS TOO ST4B H4PPY SO 1TS D3F1N1T3LY SOM3TH1NG TO AVO1D  
TG: okay we used to have those kinds of stocks too but thats not what im talking about  
TG: i mean i really hope those two words are not related  
TG: brb questioning my life and interests  
GC: SO WH4T 4R3 34RTH HUM4N STOCKS NOW?  
TG: imagine i have a company and i want more money to buy the shit i need to run it  
TG: i can offer people a share in that company in exchange for their money  
TG: so if the company does well then the person who has invested in it will get to share in those profits and they can usually have a say in how the company is run  
TG: stocks are owning little bits of multiple companies and rich people flip them like a middle aged man with a beer and a bbq on a hot summers day to make money  
TG: the idea is you buy a share while the company is shitty and then you sell it for more money when the company is doing well  
TG: but for non striders its a bit of a gamble because most of the assholes buying and selling stocks dont know for sure if a company is gonna do well or not  
GC: WH4TS 4 COMP4NY?  
TG: god damn it  
TG: its a  
TG: j3gus how do i even explain this its just such a part of everyday life  
TG: its like if you asked me what death is  
TG: thats right i compared capitalism to death what of it  
GC: 1 4SSUM3 TH4T WOULD B3 FUNN13R 1F 1 KN3W WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
TG: okay okay  
TG: say i make rad comics  
TG: and you are a lawyer  
TG: so if you needed comics and i needed legal advice thatd be sweet wed just trade  
TG: but thats not all we need  
TG: so instead of trading the things directly i could sell you comics for money  
TG: and i know you know what money is because you knew about the boonbucks thing  
TG: and with that money i could buy whatever i wanted  
TG: you with me terezi because i know my hotness is pretty fucking distracting and its hard to focus on my words when youre ogling teacher  
GC: 1 4M STRUGGL1NG THROUGH >:]  
TG: so if i wanted more money and my comics were selling faster than i could make them id hire some people to also make comics and pay them some of the profits  
TG: and if i needed more money to cover my costs i might say yo terezi want to buy a bit of my sick as comic company and when i get ultra rich then you can have an amount of money thats proportionate to how much you invested  
TG: questions?  
GC: WHY WOULDNT YOU JUST US3 YOUR IMP3R14L CR3D1TS TO G3T TH3 TH1NGS YOU N33D?  
GC: 4R3 YOU 4 LOWBLOOD OR JUST GR33DY?  
TG: fucking hell are you a commie?  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T TH4T 1S 4ND 1 JUST US3D MY 4M4Z1NG S33R POW3RS TO S33 TH4T 1 DONT W4NT TO H34R YOU T4LK 4BOUT TH4T  
TG: bullshit  
GC: YOU W1LL N3V3R PROV3 4NYTH1NG >:]  
GC: SO WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG?  
TG: im using time clones to tank the prices on companies buying shares and then also using time clones to drive the prices stupidly high and then selling them  
TG: my bro actually taught me this  
TG: he used bots though which was hella illegal  
TG: im pretty sure theres no law against this but thats probably because the nakodiles didnt factor time travel into their judiciary system  
GC: 4R3 YOU 4DM1TT1NG TO A CR1M3 D4V3? >:]  
TG: nope  
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR GU1LT FROM H3R3  
GC: 1T 1S PUTR1D!  
TG: yeah? what does it smell like  
GC: TH3 ROTT1NG C4RC4SS OF TH3 L4W  
TG: rad  
GC: 1 W1LL BR1NG YOU TO JUST1CE COOLK1D  
TG: im trembling in my boots over here  
TG: wobbling all over the damn place like i been on a boat for months and ive finally arrived back on shore  
TG: ill make a token visit to the wife but you know i gotta get back out there  
TG: the seas just got more curves you know how it be  
TG: anyway im not the unethical one here  
GC: 4 L1K3LY STORY  
TG: im just sticking it to the man  
TG: these fucking nakodiles have made up an imaginary system gambling on the success or failure of innocent businesses just trying to exchange their goods and services for sweet loot  
TG: they do exactly the same thing that im doing just minus the time travel  
TG: and they dont need to time travel because they form these rich dude clubs that work together to drive the stocks in the direction that benefits them the most and they have more than a single fucking day to do it in  
TG: its actually very pogchamp of me  
GC: 4R3NT YOU TH3 OBSC3N3LY W34LTHY ON3 NOW?  
TG: look do you want me to send you this money or not  
GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON C4NNOT B3 BR1B3D!  
TG: i swear ill put all the companies back where they belong once ive made bank  
GC: HMMMMM  
GC: 1 W1LL 4LLOW 1T  
GC: 1 H4V3 4NOTH3R QU3ST FOR YOU WH3N YOUR3 DON3 >:]  
TG: its not going to lead me into some kind of punishment is it  
GC: H4V3 1 3V3R L34D YOU 4STR4Y?  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT YOU TO H3LP SOM3 1NNOC3NT SN4PB34STS M4K3 SOM3 H34LTHY SOUP  
GC: 1TS V1T4L TO YOUR M1SS1ON D4V3  
GC: H3H3H3 >:]  
TG: cool  
TG: good use of my extensive cooking knowledge  
GC: 1 C4N S33 YOUR 3NT1R3 T1M3L1N3  
GC: 1 4SSUR3 YOU TH4T YOU 4R3 4N 3SS3NT14L 1NGR3D13NT >:]  



End file.
